Diva Diaries

What Makes a Mother

2012-01-31T21:44:00.000-06:00

Someone shared this poem today - I was in tears.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.'

But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.

My Mummy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mummy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!

Miscarriage: The Physical Part

2012-01-26T15:26:00.000-06:00

Warning: This post is very graphic, and has a lot of details most people aren't going to want. I'm writing this with one purpose: when I was deciding how to end this horrible nightmare, reading other people's experiences helped me make my decision. My hope is that this will help someone else.

A week ago today began the worst week of my life. For the second time, although this was worse. At this point, it felt like I was a failure, but that's a post for a whole other time. The main decision I had to make at this point was how to reset my body back to zero.

With the first miscarriage, I chose to go the natural route. It was a good choice for me, as my body had already started bleeding, and I wanted to go about things as naturally as possible. I didn't want to undergo surgery, nor did my doctor feel it was necessary. The whole process took 3 agonizing weeks. I was so weak that I sang two major concerts on a stool because I didn't have the strength to stand for that long.

With this one, I was prepared for the two choices that would most likely get laid in front of me: D&C (surgery) or natural miscarriage. I again preferred to do it naturally, but I was also ready for this nightmare to end. I did some research, and discovered a third option: Cytotec.

When I spoke with my doctor on Tuesday, I asked about this option. She said this was 85% effective, and that she thought it would work well for me, but needed to make sure I would understand exactly what was going to happen. This medicine would put my body into labor, and I would bleed significantly and be in a horrible amount of pain. I was to do it when someone was home with me, and if I bled heavily for over two hours, I would need to go the ER immediately. I was told of the signs of infection to watch for, and when I agreed to all of these things, I left with a prescription for the medicine and strong pain pills.

Kyle met me at home, and we got the process started. I laid on the couch for the next two hours as the contractions got closer and closer together and the pain intensified. When it got so intense I couldn't stand it, I staggered to the bathroom. I sat there for the next hour and a half as I passed everything from my pregnancy. The pain was horrible. Kyle brought me pain pills as I needed them, and sweet Bryson dog laid by my feet the entire time. After an hour and a half, things began to slow down. I felt like I could move back to the couch and rest. The contractions slowed down and became more manageable.

I took more hydrocone before I finally went to sleep that night. The bleeding had slowed, and I was able to sleep with the help of the medicine. The worst was over, about 5 hours after taking the medicine.

My ultrasound this morning showed a clear uterus - the medicine had worked! I had never been so happy to have a clear uterus in my life. Although the pain was horrible, I was pleased to have it over and done with within a few hours. I wanted to do it naturally, and this allowed me to do that by just giving me a little push in the right direction.

I pray that this will be a help to someone trying to decide on their next steps. Every person is different, and everyone needs to deal with this in their own way. The most important step - don't let others influence your decision. People will have their opinions, but it's none of their business. Do what's best for you, and be as happy with it as you can be.

What NOT to Say to Someone Who has Miscarried

2012-01-21T16:46:00.000-06:00

1. This is God's will. I know He has a plan for you.
- Right now, I don't care. And most that believe in God, already know this. It doesn't help. Right now the hurt is so strong it's hard to imagine anything beyond this moment.

2. Miscarriages are really common. It just happens sometimes.
- It may be common, but not in my everyday life. And someone else hurting this bad doesn't help. It makes me feel bad for the others that are hurting, too.

3. At least you know you can get pregnant!
- Yes, and for me right now pregnancy doesn't end in baby, so who cares if I can get pregnant. I'm not interested in this logic making it better.

4. You'll have another baby.
- I wanted this baby. Having another one doesn't end the hurt from this one.

5. At least it was early on.
- This was my baby from the second I knew about it. I've made plans for it, picked out a crib, and fallen in love with the changes already showing in my body. I don't care when it was, I still loved this baby already.

6. You should be over it by now.
- Yes. Someone actually said this to me. When did you get over the death of your parent? Anybody important to you that died? It's not instant. It's not going to happen in a week. I'm going to be sad for a while.

7. The next one will work. It did with me!
- Not always. As this is my second one, sometimes they don't work.

I know people mean well when trying to find something to say to someone who has miscarried. In my experience, only those who have experienced it can find somewhat of the right words to say, but there are still no words.

Best thing to do? Be quiet. Say you're sorry, and then shut up. You aren't going to make them feel better by anything you say. Hug them, let them cry, and pray for God to heal these wounds.

The 8 weeks post that isn't.

2012-01-19T22:47:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I'm writing these words again. Miscarriage. Another baby gone.

My heart is breaking. With the first one, although it was awful, I told myself that this happened to several people I know, and they all went on to have perfectly healthy babies on the next go around. When it happens again, what do you do? Today I got told not only that I had lost yet another baby, but that I was going to be referred to a reproductive specialist. If you want to feel like a failure in life, have to go to a specialist for the one thing your body is made to do: bear children.

We've waited for so long to start trying for kids because of all the other horrible crap that went on in the first few years of our marriage, I thought for sure that when I got pregnant on the first try, this was God's way of bringing things back around. And then when I lost it, I thought, "I expected to get pregnant. I expected this blessing. I won't make that mistake again." And when I got pregnant the very first time again, I thought, "God is healing my heart! This is it!" I honestly don't know what to think at this point.

These are probably on the list of things ministers aren't supposed to say, but here goes: I'm angry. I don't understand. I'm hurt. I'm asking God why, because I don't get it. I don't understand what's wrong with me that I can't keep a baby in there. 16 year olds around the world do it, and they don't even want children.

In the Lutheran church, this Sunday is considered to be Life Sunday. Thankfully, my coworkers have gotten me a sub so I won't have to suffer through that, but I have to admit, that day fuels my anger. How in the world can people choose to give up this blessing of life, when so many of us are struggling just to make it happen. To keep it. To get to the point of holding that baby. I'm angry.

In the midst of my anger, there are a few things I'm thankful for. Coworkers that got my a sub, volunteers that spread the word so I wouldn't be bombarded with well-wishers for a pregnancy that isn't, the couple from church that brought us dinner and cheesecake and a big thing of Dr. Pepper and let me be angry and cry, for a husband that I know has my back and loves me.

But honestly? I'm not ready to be thankful. I'm ready to cry and scream and spend hours in my bed devouring cheesecake. With the last loss, I took one day of grieving, and then hoisted myself up and sang a concert series with a 4 hours dress rehearsal. I was so weak from the blood loss I had to sit on a stool to do the concert. I did two church services and came home and cried. I poured myself into work. And two months later, I was still grieving.

I'm going to try things a little different this time, and I ask for your patience. I'm not doing anything this weekend. I'm going to go get my hair cut tomorrow because it looks like ass, and go to one meeting where my friends will be at, and then I'm going to wallow at home. And I'm not going to go to church on Sunday, but I'm going to stay in bed. And I'll try and go back to work on Tuesday, but if I'm not feeling ready yet, I'm not going to go. I may not shower for a few days. I try to be organized and all together, but you know what? I'm not all together right now.

If you want specifics to pray for, pray for healing, pray for my body to quickly realize it isn't pregnant to get rid of this stuff inside, pray for Kyle and I as we struggle through yet another major loss in our lives and figure out where to go from here.

7 weeks

2012-01-13T10:12:00.000-06:00

Quote from Kyle:

"With a baby and a dog, I just don't know how I'm ever going to leave the house. That's just too much cute in one house."

This week has been pretty non-eventful. A lot of this week has been spent with me asleep. I've been so tired that any chance I've gotten, I've gone to bed. If I could sleep 10-11 hours every night, I think I could make it all the way through the day. Nothing else has gotten done, but at least I'm well rested!

I'm dealing with worries and fears that I'm sure every pregnant woman has, especially one that has had a miscarriage before. I continue to pray for God to take my worries. This morning, I think I finally figured out what my worry stems from. I've finally hit the point this week that I couldn't relate to from my last pregnancy. Up to 6 weeks, I could go "Ok, I know this is good because this is different from my last one." I didn't make it this far with the last one, so I have no clue how my body reacts to week 7 of pregnancy. I wake up not sick and worry if that's bad, instead of just being thankful I'm not sick. I keep reminding myself: Most pregnancies end with babies, and that's evident by the children I work with every week. And just because I lost the last one, doesn't mean I'll lose this one. It's definitely a frightening experience over all, but I just have to trust that it's going to be ok, and take it one day at a time.

On a positive note, I'm really ready to start on the nursery! I need to talk to the landlord and see if I can paint, but I'd like to paint the room a light grey, either girl or boy, and I've got some bedding picked out for a girl (cause you know, it's gonna be a girl). I've picked out a crib, and I'll use the antique dresser that's in there already and put a changing pad on top. I'm waiting until we see a heart beat to start on the room, but I'm definitely anxious to begin!

This week's cravings:
Sunny D
Iced Tea
Strawberries
Mexican Food

Dumb Pregnant Moment:
I went to get my nightly glass of water. (seriously, do this EVERY NIGHT.) I got ice and a straw. No water.

6 Weeks

2012-01-10T21:16:00.000-06:00

Ok, when did I get stupid?

I can't remember ANYTHING to save my life. I pretty much leave one ingredient off of everything I cook, and have to go back to the store. Before we had confirmed I was pregnant, if I did something pregnancy related, Kyle would say "Miiiiiiiind Baaaaaaaby!" to mock me. Now, he's changed to "Baaaaaaby Miiiiiiind!" So if you have to remind me of something 5 times, forgive me. My baby has taken over all of my brain cells.

New Years was this week. It was a pretty lame evening. I'm not a massive drinker by any means, but I love my wine and I freakin love champagne. The sparkling apple cider was good, but just not quite the same. I got a sip of Kyle's champagne at midnight, and then went back to the fake crap.

I had a second ultrasound this week, and this one was much better than the first! The baby popped up on the screen right away this time! I'm measuring a little behind, but that's ok. Baby is just taking it's sweet time growing. With a great ultrasound, we decided to make it facebook official that we are having a baby, as well as calling all of the parents.

Fun week over all! I'm still figuring out how to work without falling asleep on my desk.

5 weeks

2012-01-09T20:01:00.000-06:00

This week had a little bit of a scare. I had my first appointment for a sono, even though it was ridiculously early. I've had lots of extra appointments this time because of my miscarriage in October. The sono showed that I had a good thick uterine lining, but we couldn't see a baby. That ordered more blood work, and 24 hours of me being totally freaked out. My numbers were almost tripling, and they have to at least double, so we were in the clear!

This week was pretty easy - I was off work, so I slept like a crazy person, hung out with Jenica who was also off work, went to a Baylor basketball game at the AAC, watched Baylor win a bowl game, and had some good general laziness. Perfect for a pregnant lady!

I was pretty exhausted this week, and STARVING. This week's cravings? Mexican food and gummy bears.

And anything else I can get my hands on. :)

4 weeks

2012-01-07T10:04:00.000-06:00

I wrote this a few weeks ago as a review - enjoy, and I'll be posting more weeks as I go!

By the time I hit 4 weeks pregnant, I already knew for 5 days I was knocked up! I started week 4 with a trip to the obgyn to check my levels. My progesterone, which was low when I miscarried, looked great, and my hcg levels were at 146! It has to be at 25 to show up on a home pregnancy test, and most people can't find out until the after they've missed their period that they're pregnant, but my numbers were there and kickin' it.

This week was filled with Christmas, so it was hard to rest as much as I really wanted to. It might've resulted in some emotional meltdowns on my part. (Sorry Kyle.) For the most part, I've felt pretty good except for some serious stomach issues and being exhausted. I also at the end of this week needed to buy maternity jeans. Good gracious. I was so bloated that my pants would NOT button. The bloat will go away, but will be replaced by baby, so I went ahead and just bit the bullet and bought them.

Most. Comfortable. Pants. I've. Ever. Owned.

Seriously. Why do we wear anything else? They also look great! Not mom jeans at all!

The funnies of this week:
1. When we went shopping for maternity jeans, Kyle and I realized we both had left our wedding rings at home. I felt slightly trashy.

2. I might have karate chopped the waiter who tried to take my plate away before I was done.

Kyle quotes of the week:
1. Hey, our neighbor is super skinny and she's had 4 kids...you should find out her secret. (FAIL.)

2. (on seeing my belly bloat one evening) Holy crap! Are you carrying that in a pouch like a marsupial?!

Cravings:
Mexican and fried shrimp

All in White

2011-12-25T20:08:00.000-06:00

As a Texas girl, I had never seen a white Christmas…until two years ago. As we headed to the church on Christmas Eve to unload trailers and set up our portable church at the time, the snow had already begun to fall, and the roads were turning to ice. By the time we got out of church, the storm had worsened so much that my husband had to pour hot coffee on the trailer locks just to get them open. We slid all the way home, and it became very apparent we weren’t going to go out of town as planned that night.

The next morning, Christmas Day, we awoke to a winter wonderland. The snow had continued through the night, and the white blanket of snow covered everything we could see. I slipped on the ice outside in my non-weather appropriate shoes as I captured as much of it as I could on camera. I wanted to remember that moment forever. (I figured it took 28 years to see the first one, it might take me another 28 to see the next!)

As we awake today to the joy of Christmas and the gift of God’s Son, imagine how much greater the second coming of Christ will be. In the last verse of the hymn Once in Royal David’s City, we sing “Then like stars His children, crowned, all in white, His praise will sound!”

Celebrate the beautiful sight this morning, whatever the weather may be, as we prepare for the most beautiful sight of all – our Savior and Lord.

“The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels.” Revelation 3:5

Lights

2011-12-24T11:43:00.002-06:00

When my husband and I spend Christmas in Waco with his parents, we have a tradition. We pile everyone into the car (dogs included!), pick up hot chocolate or coffee, and look at Christmas lights. Some are stunning – the lights are carefully strung, and decorations are carefully placed to give off a beautiful serene vision of Christmas. Others…not so much. Our favorite home was one we so lovingly dubbed “Christmas Vomitus,” because it truly looked like Christmas had thrown up all over the yard. Every cartoon character imaginable was dressed in holiday garb, Santa made an appearance, as well as Jesus, and a Star of David. While it didn’t provide the awe that the beautiful homes did, we still laughed until we cried, and we talk about it on the years we don’t get to see it.

For some, Christmas is the only time of year when all parts of the family come together. Some shine bright – they have their lives mostly settled, and you can expect little drama. Others are a wild card – you never know what to expect and something might get set on fire at dinner. While it can be draining at times, each one of those family members is a gift from the Lord. Intentionally love on each of them this year, the crazy and the normal, and thank God for the wonderful gift of family.

“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” Proverbs 10:12

Hope

2011-12-23T15:35:00.000-06:00

As we near closer and closer to Christmas, the birth of Jesus becomes more and more imminent. Our focus turns toward the manger, and for a brief few days, we remember the hope that is held in that tiny baby: the baby that comes to deliver us from this life, and prepares for us an eternity in Heaven.

What does hope do? It reminds us that the day’s struggles are not forever. Our perceived “bad days,” really aren’t that bad at all. Most of all, it tells us that this life is not forever. This baby will grow into a man, teach our ancestors, and then die for all our sins. It is God’s grace alone that gives us hope in this world that we don’t understand. As we prepare to celebrate the birth of our Savior, thank Him for the hope that we have, and the life eternal we are promised.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

Sound His Praises

2011-12-22T08:50:00.000-06:00

Our Pastor is not the best singer. When training new audio volunteers, Rule Number 1 is mute Pastor as soon as the song begins! However, he doesn’t hesitate to make a joyful noise! In college, being surrounded by wonderful musicians, we didn’t make a peep unless we were sure it was going to be a beautiful noise. While I’m sure God appreciates our striving for excellence, especially when serving Him, I know that He loves our joyful noises just as much when directed His way.

We are called as children of God to sing His praises, and what better time than at Christmas? The music is extremely beautiful, and most of it is songs we’ve sung since we were children. Don’t stop on Christmas day, though! Continue singing! Lift up your praises every day to the One who sends His son to die for our sins.

“Sing to him; sing praises to him; tell of all his wonderful works!”

I Chronicles 16:9

Heaven Bound

2011-12-21T22:33:00.002-06:00

Every year we take time in December to remember the birth of Jesus, but that’s not where the story ends. Jesus’ time on earth is limited; He’s headed towards heaven the moment He arrives in the manger. The thing is, we all are. None of us knows the number of days we will be blessed with on this earth; when we will be heaven bound.

When a musician gets ready for a major performance, they do something every day to better themselves and their craft. They always have the final goal in mind. When the performance arrives, they know what they’ve worked for, and walk on the stage with confidence.

How will we walk to the gates of Heaven? Of course we won’t be worthy to be in front of our Heavenly Father, but will we feel like we have done all we could on the days on earth that we have? Use the Christmas season as a time to reevaluate your priorities, and make sure you are preparing for the “big event.”

“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.”

Matthew 24:36

Jesus' Gift

2011-12-20T19:14:00.002-06:00

Although Jesus couldn’t physically stay here with us on earth, He left us with a little present – the Holy Spirit! He couldn’t stay in the tiny manger, and He couldn’t stay a tiny baby. Eventually He had to go back and be with His Father. God made sure that we would always feel His love and presence by sending us the Holy Spirit. It’s what guides our conscience, gives us wisdom on everyday issues, and provides us comfort with the presence of God.

God couldn’t take sin out of the world, even though He died to save us from our sin, but He could give us the wisdom to discern right from wrong, and give us the compassion we need for others when they fail in these areas.

During the holidays, tempers are often short and we fail to treat others how we should. While the Bible gives us the “law,” the Holy Spirit often provides the “gospel.” Forgive those around you when they fail you, be able to forgive yourself, and thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit. You are never alone.

“And the angel answered her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy – the son of God.’ ” Luke 1:35

Where Did He Go?

2011-12-19T22:07:00.002-06:00

Any time we have a good ol’ Texas thunderstorm, our seventy pound mutt Bryson disappears. We’ll search the entire house for him, usually to find him in a small crevice we didn’t think he could fit into: under the bed, back behind the clothes in our closet, or crouched behind the toilet. That dog does not like lightning! We know he has to be somewhere in the house, but we really struggle to find him.

In the midst of everything you are required to do during this season, do you feel you lose the reason why we celebrate in the first place? There is so much noise and distraction that it becomes difficult to focus on the upcoming birth of Jesus.

So how do we find Bryson when he’s hiding? We call to him, and we stop everything we’re doing and search the house. Thankfully, the Lord is not as difficult to find. Take a minute when things get busy, stop what you’re doing, and thank God for His wonderful gift of His Son.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Leading

2011-12-18T20:17:00.006-06:00

A few weeks ago, our choir sang in our service, like they often do. Being a whole 5’2” tall, they struggle to see me when I conduct, so I stand on a small step stool to help everyone see me. In their last rehearsal before they sang, I jokingly said, “If I fall, keep singing!”

That Sunday, as I flipped around from encouraging the congregation to sing, to facing the choir again, I fell off the stool. The choir didn’t move. Besides one smirk from the alto section, they continued on in their singing and finished the choir anthem with poise (unlike their director!).

As I tried to catch myself and get back up and resume my conducting pattern so they would know where to go, I thought, “Yes! They did it! A major distraction and they sang on through!” Because the choir had spent so much time in rehearsal, they knew the music. The path might not have been clear, but they were able to keep going until I resumed my stance on the stool.

Spending time in the Word is the same way. What happens when we can’t see the Lord, or can’t see a clear direction of where we are to go? We continue on with the Scriptures we know until the Lord makes His way clear to us. I’m sure Joseph and Mary couldn’t completely understand what God was up to, but they knew enough to keep going and trust God.

“But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.’ ” Matthew 1:20

Looking Forward

2011-12-18T20:17:00.000-06:00

Several of us in the office get a little depressed come January. Why? The excitement of Christmas is over, the beautiful decorations are gone, and we have a few months of calm before Easter. Everything that we’ve looked forward to is now done, and tasks seem mundane. Jesus’ birth has been celebrated, and now everything looks towards the time of Lent.

Do you get in this rut, too? Maybe yours doesn’t revolve around the liturgical seasons, but maybe for you it’s “If I can just buy a house” or “If I can just have a baby.” Maybe it’s even looking forward to the kids graduating from high school and getting out of the house.

None of these things that we hope for and look forward to will ultimately satisfy. The event we’ve been waiting for will come and go, and we’ll be left wondering what the next thing to look forward to is.

Today, be thankful for where you are. Be thankful that there are loud noises from the kids that surround your house, or the tiny tree you have in your apartment. All of these things are a stage of life that we have been placed in, and once it’s gone, we’ll miss it. And if that doesn’t do it for you, remember the ultimate event we look forward to: Jesus’ second coming, and our eternity in heaven.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity in man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

Child and Lord

2011-12-16T12:34:00.000-06:00

OK kids – this one’s for you again. It’s hard to imagine that even as a baby, Jesus was fully Lord. While He was still very young, God used Jesus to teach the Pharisees in the temple. Even though He was God, He still had to grow and learn physically, mentally, and spiritually. He had to face being a kid just like we do!

Even though He was still young, God always had a plan for Him, and was preparing him for it. God has a purpose for each one of you, too, and right now, He’s growing you physically, mentally, and spiritually to prepare you for it. It’s not always going to be easy, but all of these things will prepare you for what God has in store for you when you get older.

You don’t have to wait, however, for God to use you! He can use you right now! By caring for your friends and family, talking to others about God, and helping at church, you are being used by God. Are you not sure how God is using you? Ask your parents for help, I bet they see God working in you every day.

“And the child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favor of God was upon him.” Luke 2:40

Redeeming Love

2011-12-15T13:04:00.002-06:00

Do you hate asking for help? (If the answer was yes, don’t worry, me too.)

From the time we are small toddlers, we learn somewhere to say “I can do it myself!” We keep going, too, letting ourselves be totally worn down and exhausted because we were too proud to ask anyone to assist or take some of the load off.

When it comes to salvation, however, there’s no chance at getting by on your own. Without the Lord’s grace and dying on the cross, we can’t have salvation. Period. Some are so stubborn that they still can’t accept this help. If we can learn to get help from the Savior of the nations on something this big, do you think we can learn to ask for help on other things? God blessed us with family, friends, coworkers, and others to share the burdens of this life.

And here’s the other catch – don’t wait until your friend asks you. Offer the help, and don’t take no for an answer. Lift each other up, and thank God for His redeeming love.

“For by grace you have been saved by faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8

At Last

2011-12-15T13:02:00.002-06:00

Birthdays are a week-long celebration in my house. (I keep pushing for birthday month, but keep getting turned down.) We don’t even really care that the number keeps creeping up, it’s a time to celebrate! My aunt started a tradition with my cousins when they were just babies. Every year at Christmas time, they bake a cake for Jesus, and we all sing Happy Birthday to Him.

If you asked Ryan, my youngest cousin, what day it was, he would say, “Jesus’ birthday! And we get presents!” For them, they got that the day wasn’t totally about their presents, but we had finally made it to Jesus’ birthday.

The boys are both teenagers now, but we still sing Happy Birthday to Jesus every year with a cake that they baked. It reminds us all of the real reason we get together. When Christmas morning comes, are you saying “at last!” because it’s time to open presents, or “at last!” Jesus is here? (And honestly, sometimes it’s a little of both!)

Let the celebration begin.

“And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshipped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.”

Matthew 2:11

Sad vs. Glad

2011-12-13T15:45:00.000-06:00

When times are good in your life, friends abound. Everyone wants to hang out with a happy person, and people will gravitate towards you. When times get a little harder, the friends thin out. When we’re sad, people sometimes feel awkward and don’t know how to act, so they stay away. It doesn’t necessarily mean those people are bad people, they just don’t know what to say.

While we as Christians are fortunate enough to know that the Holy Spirit remains with us when we are glad or sad, others do not. Even when we know the Holy Spirit is here, sad times can be a little rocky. We may think of the holidays as a time of cheer, but for many, it’s a time of sadness. They remember the loved ones that are no longer with them, or perhaps something bad happened in their life at Christmas, and the holidays bring back those memories.

Take some time out of your holiday cheer to love on those around you who aren’t cheerful. This doesn’t mean force them into happiness, but be there for them in where they are.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

He Shares

2011-12-13T15:43:00.005-06:00

Yesterday we talked about God and Jesus being able to truly understand what we are going through on the earth. I believe also that the people He put in our lives are there to help us through our daily challenges in life. I have a dear friend who lost her baby the same time I did, and we were able to walk each other through the grief. I didn’t even know her a year and a half ago – what a blessing that God placed her there!

The church can be a haven for many of these things we need. When we had several church members out of work, we started a job seeker ministry. For those struggling with things in life – Christian Care. The cool thing is, God puts us on both sides of things. There will be someone that needs you in their life for a certain reason, just as there is someone in your life for a certain reason. Some are there to comfort, some to encourage, and some just to walk alongside you.

As we continue closer to Christmas, and our schedule gets busier, take the time to be there for others. Don’t get so busy that you fail to see the opportunities right in front of you.

“And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I! Send me.’ ” Isaiah 6:8

He Feels

2011-12-13T15:41:00.002-06:00

“You don’t understand!” How many times have we said this to someone? Odds are, sometimes, they truly don’t understand what we are going through. They haven’t experienced what we are experiencing. These well-meaning souls can feel badly for us, but they truly don’t know.

I think God expected this. If He needed someone to “just” die for our sins, Jesus could have been here for a day. Instead, He spent 32 years on the earth to struggle with life as we do.

A short while back, Kyle and I lost a baby early in my pregnancy. The only comfort I found was in those who had experienced this as well. As Christmas gets closer, I think about God willingly sending His Son to earth, knowing He would have to watch Him die. I would’ve done anything to keep that baby alive, and it wasn’t even my choice. God knew what was best in the long run though, for our angel baby and for His Son, and ultimately, for each one of us. And because of these things, God sent that baby to earth, to feel and share our human emotions. We aren’t alone.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.“ John 3:16

Pattern

2011-12-10T10:57:00.000-06:00

Did you know that it takes 30 days of doing the same thing over and over again to become a habit? If you are trying to eat right, exercise, or change your daily routine, it will take 30 days before it feels like second nature to you. Most of us barely make it past two weeks. It’s the same with spending time with the Lord. Anyone can wake up one Sunday morning and go to church, but can they do it week after week with consistency?

If you are reading this today, you’ve already made it 14 days of spending daily time with God. (Christmas is day 29!) It should come easier to us – wanting to spend time with someone who loves us so dearly, but it doesn’t. As you start to think of New Year’s resolutions this year, make daily time with God one of them. And if you make it through this book, you’re already there, you just have to keep it up.

“I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.”

Job 23:12

Like a Child

2011-12-09T17:55:00.003-06:00

Each week I have the privilege of teaching music to the preschoolers at Concordia Academy. Most days, I walk out of there with a smile I didn’t have going in. Why? The kids’ excitement is contagious. They see things through brand new eyes. When talking about pumpkins before Halloween, several of them excitedly jumped in my lap to tell me about a pumpkin they had seen the day before. Now I love all things pumpkin, but I don’t think I’ve ever jumped into anyone’s lap about it.

They’re the same way with Christmas. They see it with a lens that hasn’t been dirtied by bad experiences, rough family life, or a slow economy. They appreciate the simplicity, the beauty, and the miracle of a baby born in a stable. Are they excited about presents? Well, of course, who isn’t? This year, look at the manger with kid eyes, and hear the story of Jesus’ birth for the first time all over again.

“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:15

Growing in Faith

2011-12-08T08:39:00.002-06:00

Every day we grow something. Skin, hair, waist…something begins anew. When we cut ourselves, our body grows new skin and repairs itself. Our hair constantly replenishes itself, and I’m sure you’ve had to cut your nails in the past week or two.

Our body is set to automatically take care of these things that need to continue to grow, but growing our faith? That one is up to us. Just as the things entrusted to our care, such as plants, children, and animals need extra care, so does our faith.

How do we grow faith?

It takes a mixture of trust, belief, and devotion. Trust in the ones who have led the way for us to follow. Belief in something we can’t see – after all, that’s what faith is, isn’t it? And devotion? We must put our hearts and minds into that which we have faith in. We follow it. It doesn’t mean we don’t question, but we ultimately believe in that which we are following.

How are you growing your faith in Jesus today?

“He said to them, ‘Because of your faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.’ ” Matthew 17:20

An Example

2011-12-07T09:24:00.002-06:00

In August, our sweet bass player Jim Gulley, went to be with the Lord. None of us saw it coming, not even Jim. As we prepared for his victory celebration, we reminisced of what Jim had meant in our lives. I know each person remembered different things, but the band remembered a man who conquered his fears, was up for anything as far as bass playing went (and the ukulele!), and a man who loved his wife deeply. Every day, Jim set an example on how to be a Christian and an excellent husband and father.

We had to add chairs to the church for his victory celebration. People from Jim’s work, his wife Edie’s work, St. Peter, and the other church that Jim served in as bass player, gathered to celebrate his life. We laughed, we cried, we remembered. Jim was so full of life, and he shared it with everyone around him.

Life, of course, keeps moving, but there are small reminders of Jim everywhere. I pray we can all be the example that Jim was in our world. At your victory celebration, will we be adding chairs?

“And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut…Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” Matthew 25: 10, 13

The Lowly

2011-12-06T15:07:00.003-06:00

Kids and youth – this one is especially for you. As young people, we feel like we’re on the bottom of the totem pole. Someone is always there to tell us what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Why do we have to wait until Christmas to eat all the Christmas cookies? How come we have to clean our room because grandma is coming over? (Unfortunately, as adults, we still have to clean our rooms when grandma comes over!)

God gave us parents as a guide. While we are still learning and figuring life out, we have our parents to teach us how to do things, and to help us when we make a mistake. And God didn’t just give you parents, He gave you other adults as well. What is one adult that you’ve learned something from recently? Was it a teacher? Someone from church? It was nice to have them help you figure that out, huh?

Be grateful for your parents and your teachers and all of those that teach you about God and how to live life. Remember, one day, it will be your turn to do the same, and you can tell someone else to clean their room! In the meantime, watch what they do, and learn how to follow Christ. And you know what? They’re learning from you, too.

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

1 Timothy 4:12

The Mean

2011-12-05T12:10:00.000-06:00

Just a note - I am aware that in the context of the hymn "Once in Royal David's City," the word mean does not mean someone who is not nice - it means powerless. However, for the purpose of this devotion, I chose to take it a different direction.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my dogs like they are my own children. Our big dog, Bryson, sleeps in the bed with us, and I will gladly give up my comfort in order for him to have the most warm, snuggly spot possible. Occasionally, someone will come over who doesn’t share the same love and affection as I do for my dogs, or any dogs, for that matter.

I have to be honest.

I have a really hard time being friends with those who don’t like dogs. Who doesn’t like dogs?! I seldom invite these people over, because honestly, I assume they are just downright mean if they don’t love these sweet angels as much as I do. In my love for the dogs, however, I’m not being very Godly towards people. God has called us to love the “meanies,” and pray for our enemies. Stress of the holidays can often bring out hurt emotions and attitudes that don’t normally befit us. Take some time today to smile at the person who is begrudgingly doing their work, gave you a rude look, or doesn’t like dogs. Remember that they might have something else that they are struggling with, and could use some kindness.

“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” Matthew 5:44

The Poor

2011-12-04T22:08:00.002-06:00

In today’s economy, we have learned to make do with a lot less. Early in our marriage, my husband and I worked for the same company that went under. We went from having great salaries, company paid cars, phones, insurance, and gas, to being unemployed and broke overnight. Necessities certainly changed in our household. Despite several further monetary setbacks, we still managed to pay our bills and put food on the table by God’s grace. We were beyond blessed.

Have you already put up your tree? Are there already presents under it, or at least a shopping list? If so, you know you are beyond blessed, also. Is there someone around you who you could be Jesus to and share your abundant gifts with this Christmas season? Let’s share our love and our gifts.

“For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’ ” Deuteronomy 15:11

You left Heaven for what?

2011-12-03T12:13:00.003-06:00

Sandusky, Occupy Wall Street, Earthquakes. These are just some of the many troubling things that come across our news lately. While I’m sure in Jesus’ time they weren’t marching on Wall Street, the world was not without turmoil. Yet, He voluntarily left His wonderful Heaven, where things are perfect, and came down for us sinners. Why would He do that?

Love. A love we couldn’t even begin to imagine was there for us, and Jesus did what He had to do to save us, and give us an eternity of wonderful that we don’t deserve. And He didn’t just come down for a day, say hello, and head on back up to heaven. No, He stayed on this earth, teaching those around Him, and then allowed us to crucify Him in a horrible, painful death, because of love.

There is no greater love, friends. What happens next is up to us; will you serve the Lord who left perfection for you? Will you love as He did? Get ready to celebrate His coming…He came for you!

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!” Psalm 25:7

Shelter

2011-12-03T11:16:00.002-06:00

When traveling to a wedding in 2009, my husband and I decided to stay with my younger, single brother to save a little money. He had said we would need to bring an air mattress, and then the day before, said we would also need sheets. We were skeptical at this point, but broke, so we went ahead and went.

That would be the longest night of our lives.

The dogs outside barked until midnight, until they stopped, and we realized a radio had been left on outside. At about two in the morning, one of his five (yes, five) roommates, began a bongo concert down the hall that didn’t end until four, followed by his other roommates’ cell phone alarm going off at six, and the roommate nowhere to be found. When it was finally time to get up, I said, “Get me out of here!!”

We were thankful for the free room for the night, but at several points that night, thought, “Really? Really? Here?”

God provided what Mary and Joseph needed, and I’m sure at some point they thought, “What? Really? A stall. You want me to give birth here?” We often want more, and complain about what God has already given us, but some of those things we don’t have build character later. (Or in our case, provide a really good story!) Isn’t it enough that he gave us a shelter to begin with? He didn’t promise deluxe accommodations…

“And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7

Lord of All

2011-12-01T21:03:00.002-06:00

I get lost very easily. It’s so bad, that when I worked for a music store on the road, my boss bought me a GPS, because he figured he would pay less in gas if I could actually find where I was going. Last week, when my husband and I switched cars, I found myself driving on unfamiliar roads without the help of the GPS that’s in my car. I frantically pulled up my iPhone, asked it for assistance, but even it couldn’t connect to the network. I was absolutely, totally lost, and growing more panicked by the second, as I was now late AND lost.

I finally pulled over, found a map on my phone, and eventually made it to where I was going. While I was driving in the crazy haze, there was no way I was going to find where I was going, much less where I was. The only thing that could help me was to stop, reevaluate, and turn around.

When our lives seem to be out of control, and we’re lost on our path, the only thing that will help us is to stop, breathe, and ask the Lord for guidance. Our phones aren’t going to know what the next step is, and the GPS might be out of reach. Take a breath. God has a plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11