Rarely do I get a chance to kneel at the altar and spend time in prayer. During communion I always have to hurry back up to the piano, and if there is anything special, such as kneeling for ashes on Ash Wednesday, I'm playing, so forget that, too.
Tonight I got to kneel down at the altar and get my ashes on my forehead after service. The sanctuary was dark except for a few lights, and after I got my ashes, I was by myself. So I sat. And listened.
The last few years I haven't given anything up for Lent, and it's not because I didn't want to, I just felt that there was so much I had "given up" (or really, they had been taken away from me) and I didn't feel like I could give up anything else. This year really is no better. So as I sat at the altar and wondered, "What's left to even give up?" I felt God talking to me: "What's left? You may think you lost the life that you wanted, but do you think that's all I gave up? What makes you think you deserve any of this to begin with?"
It's true. I don't deserve to know exactly what is the plan for my life, or to know what the next step is. There's a LOT more I could give up. That doesn't make any of this uncertainty any easier, I'm not gonna lie.
This year for Lent, I'm giving up my need to have it all planned it, and focus on the cross on my forehead.
1 comment:
WOW - I got goose bumps reading your post. Thanks for the awesome reminder!!
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