Saturday, June 23, 2012

Diva Diaries is moving!!  Pink Divas doesn't really fit "me" anymore, and I decided it was time for a change.  I have a new cute blog set up, and everything on here is moved on over there!  Expect new posts and more of them.  :)  So follow me on over and visit Sweet Tea and Tacos!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Menu Mondays: Key Lime Pound Cake

I love to cook!  Rarely do we have the same thing twice in our house, because I am always trying new recipes.  On Monday night, we have our annual Schola family dinner, and usually I throw together a boring pasta salad, but this year, I planned ahead. 

Now, cooking with me is not for the light of heart.  Everything is typically covered in flour, I typically burn myself, cut myself, or otherwise injure something, and there is a lot of swearing.  I'm pretty sure that's how my great-grandma did it, so I'm just keeping her memory alive.

I haven't gotten to taste this yet, but if it's as good as it looks, oh my gosh.  So, straight from Southern Living, here it is!  And make sure you add the lime juice before you put it in the oven.  Don't ask how I know this. 





Key Lime Pound Cake

Key Lime Glaze

Enjoy!  I'll let you know how it is on this end!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Eating Roanoke: Outlaw Burgers

We've now lived in Trophy Club for a YEAR!  It's gone really fast, and we've really enjoyed living in our new little town.  The neighboring town, Roanoke, is known as The Unique Dining Capital of Texas.  We've eaten at a lot of the little places around there, but definitely not all of them. 

Since I've been trying to find anything and everything to fill my time lately, I decided to do just that:  eat at all of them.  And of course, that means you have to hear about them! 

First up?  Outlaw Burgers.  I love this place.  It's in a little strip center two doors down from where the church used to office.  Nice clothes are definitely not required, and be prepared to sop up some grease.  The menu is full of, you guessed it, burgers, and every side is fried in some form or fashion. 

I ordered a bacon cheese burger and fries, and Kyle ordered a blue cheese bacon burger and fried mushrooms.  The burger was perfectly cooked for me, and although the fries weren't as crisp as I'd like, they looked like they were cut straight from the potato.  Kyle's burger had a little bit too much blue cheese for his taste, but he's had other things he's liked better in the past.  The fried mushrooms were heaven.  They are chicken fried and served with ranch dressing, which are a country girl's dream words. 
All in all, I think everything is reasonably priced, it's a nice casual atmosphere, and we'll definitely keep eating there! 

If you want some Outlaw Burger goodness, check it out here:  www.outlawburgers.com.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Did ya miss me?

My friend Morgan got on to me a little about blogging.  Apparently it's been awhile.  To be perfectly honest, things have been so rough at our house, I haven't felt like blogging.  We've been taking a break on the baby front to allow me to heal emotionally and physically, and I had nothing interesting to say, and nothing positive to say, so I've kept to myself.  This grief thing is harder than it sounds.

Anyway, there's some big things coming to the Gibson house!  Let me fill you in:

1. I resigned from my job.  Due to budget restrictions, my job hours and pay were going to get drastically cut come July.  This wasn't something we could do or were willing to do, so I resigned effective at the end of May.  We're going to miss the people at church so much, but gotta pay those bills!

2. Resigning from one job, means a new job!  And here's the big one - I'm going to be self-employed.  Like, totally.  Yikes.  I'll be taking on more piano and voice students at home, and working with a middle school in Flower Mound to teach voice lessons during the day starting in the fall.  I'll still be accompanying and doing various other music stuff.  It's actually really a good thing for me, and I'm looking forward to making my own schedule! 

3. I finished writing my book, and it's coming out in a month!!  It's taken almost 2 years of writing, editing, swearing, more writing, researching, copyright permissioning, etc., but it is almost finished.  Copyrights are secured, final edits are in the works, and then it's off to the publisher!  I'm so excited to have this done - I feel like it's part of my new start in life. 

All this change means a very free summer for me, so look for the blogging to start picking up in June...

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Master Bath: My garden

I've done two very odd things in a bathroom today:  garden and record for a competition.  Let's talk about number 1.

It's no secret that I'm terrible at gardening.  I love plants, I love homemade vegetables, but I just suck at keeping stuff alive. So when I saw this idea on pinterest about regrowing green onions, I thought, hmmm.  I'd like to try this, and if it doesn't work, green onions are like 69 cents, so I think I'm safe. 

Last Saturday I cleaned out the fridge, and found an old jar of horseradish sauce and an old package of green onions.  I washed out the tiny jar, cut off the bulbs of the green onions (the white part) and put them in water.  Next to figure out where to put it. 

Our house faces north, and most of the windows on the south and west sides have solar shades.  Great for the house, not great for growing plants indoors.  There is one window on the south side without a solar screen, however...in the master bathroom.  I placed my jar in the window, and like I do, forgot about it for a week. 

I remembered about it this morning, ran into the bathroom, and to my surprise, I had growth!  It'll be another few weeks before we can actually use it to eat off of, and I'll have to go to the bathroom to cut off what we need for dinner, but hey, I'm ok with it!

My Master Bath Garden


My green onions

Friday, February 10, 2012

Mayberry

I love where we live.  I'm still not up to being really social and all, but tonight I decided to start off small and go to dinner with a friend.  In public.  It sounds silly, but it was a big deal.  I debated about going, and decided that his was a good way to start. 

So off we went with a bottle of wine to our favorite Italian restaurant.  On my way there, I see my neighbor in my rearview mirror.  We have a friendly wave, and I think, "aww, I know the people on the street behind me.  Love that." 

I get to the restaurant, which if you live in the Roanoke area, you've got to go to.  It's called the Italian Bistro, and it used to be an old Dairy Queen.  It's so good!  We walked in, and our favorite waiter greeted us and seated us in his section.  We ordered our usuals without even looking at the menu, and he popped open our wine.  (Love the BYOB!)  Before too long, Sammy, the owner, sat down at our table and chatted with us for awhile.  Love being regulars, love that the owner knows us enough to plop down at our table, and that our favorite waiter makes sure we're in our section. 

Friday nights at the Bistro are even better, because as we call it "Guitar Ray Carlson" plays!  (St. Peter peeps know who I'm talking about!)  As we were leaving, we ran into friends from church. In a big town, you don't just run into people you know. 

On the way home I get a text from my neighbor to tell me to stop by on my way home.  I pulled in their driveway, and out ran all 4 of the neighbor kids with a handmade Valentine in their hands and cookies for me (and 1 for "Mr. Kyle").  Is there anything sweeter? 

I'd say my first outing was a success.  I got to hang out with a friend who loves me in my darkest hours, and felt comfortable the whole way.  There were little reminders my whole time out of people that loved me, and that I wasn't facing all this alone. 

I've always wanted to go back to a small town since I left Cedar Hill.  Somewhere that I'd know the people around town.  I think I finally got there. 

Sometimes it feels like this world
Is spinning faster
Than it did in the old days
So naturally, we have more
Natural disasters
From the strain of a fast pace
Sunday was a day of rest
Now it's one more day for progress
And we can't slow down 'cause
More is best
It's all an endless process

(Well) I miss Mayberry

Sitting on the porch drinking
Ice cold Cherry Coke
Where everything is black and white
Picking on a six string
Where people pass by and you call
Them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
Bye, bye 


~Mayberry, Rascal Flatts

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What Makes a Mother

Someone shared this poem today - I was in tears.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.'

But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.

My Mummy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mummy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Miscarriage: The Physical Part

Warning:  This post is very graphic, and has a lot of details most people aren't going to want.  I'm writing this with one purpose:  when I was deciding how to end this horrible nightmare, reading other people's experiences helped me make my decision.  My hope is that this will help someone else.

A week ago today began the worst week of my life.  For the second time, although this was worse.  At this point, it felt like I was a failure, but that's a post for a whole other time.  The main decision I had to make at this point was how to reset my body back to zero.

With the first miscarriage, I chose to go the natural route.  It was a good choice for me, as my body had already started bleeding, and I wanted to go about things as naturally as possible.  I didn't want to undergo surgery, nor did my doctor feel it was necessary.  The whole process took 3 agonizing weeks.  I was so weak that I sang two major concerts on a stool because I didn't have the strength to stand for that long. 

With this one, I was prepared for the two choices that would most likely get laid in front of me:  D&C (surgery) or natural miscarriage.  I again preferred to do it naturally, but I was also ready for this nightmare to end.  I did some research, and discovered a third option:  Cytotec. 

When I spoke with my doctor on Tuesday, I asked about this option.  She said this was 85% effective, and that she thought it would work well for me, but needed to make sure I would understand exactly what was going to happen.  This medicine would put my body into labor, and I would bleed significantly and be in a horrible amount of pain.  I was to do it when someone was home with me, and if I bled heavily for over two hours, I would need to go the ER immediately.  I was told of the signs of infection to watch for, and when I agreed to all of these things, I left with a prescription for the medicine and strong pain pills.

Kyle met me at home, and we got the process started.  I laid on the couch for the next two hours as the contractions got closer and closer together and the pain intensified.  When it got so intense I couldn't stand it, I staggered to the bathroom.  I sat there for the next hour and a half as I passed everything from my pregnancy.  The pain was horrible.  Kyle brought me pain pills as I needed them, and sweet Bryson dog laid by my feet the entire time.  After an hour and a half, things began to slow down.  I felt like I could move back to the couch and rest.  The contractions slowed down and became more manageable. 

I took more hydrocone before I finally went to sleep that night.  The bleeding had slowed, and I was able to sleep with the help of the medicine.  The worst was over, about 5 hours after taking the medicine. 

My ultrasound this morning showed a clear uterus - the medicine had worked!  I had never been so happy to have a clear uterus in my life.  Although the pain was horrible, I was pleased to have it over and done with within a few hours.  I wanted to do it naturally, and this allowed me to do that by just giving me a little push in the right direction. 

I pray that this will be a help to someone trying to decide on their next steps.  Every person is different, and everyone needs to deal with this in their own way.  The most important step - don't let others influence your decision.  People will have their opinions, but it's none of their business.  Do what's best for you, and be as happy with it as you can be.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

What NOT to Say to Someone Who has Miscarried

1.  This is God's will.  I know He has a plan for you. 
  - Right now, I don't care.  And most that believe in God, already know this.  It doesn't help.  Right now the hurt is so strong it's hard to imagine anything beyond this moment. 

2. Miscarriages are really common.  It just happens sometimes.
  - It may be common, but not in my everyday life.  And someone else hurting this bad doesn't help.  It makes me feel bad for the others that are hurting, too.

3. At least you know you can get pregnant!
  - Yes, and for me right now pregnancy doesn't end in baby, so who cares if I can get pregnant.  I'm not interested in this logic making it better.

4. You'll have another baby.
  - I wanted this baby.  Having another one doesn't end the hurt from this one.    


5. At least it was early on.
 - This was my baby from the second I knew about it.  I've made plans for it, picked out a crib, and fallen in love with the changes already showing in my body.  I don't care when it was, I still loved this baby already.

6. You should be over it by now.

 - Yes.  Someone actually said this to me.  When did you get over the death of your parent?  Anybody important to you that died?  It's not instant.  It's not going to happen in a week.  I'm going to be sad for a while. 

7. The next one will work.  It did with me!
 - Not always.  As this is my second one, sometimes they don't work.  

I know people mean well when trying to find something to say to someone who has miscarried.  In my experience, only those who have experienced it can find somewhat of the right words to say, but there are still no words. 

Best thing to do?  Be quiet.  Say you're sorry, and then shut up.  You aren't going to make them feel better by anything you say.  Hug them, let them cry, and pray for God to heal these wounds.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The 8 weeks post that isn't.

I can't believe I'm writing these words again.  Miscarriage.  Another baby gone. 

My heart is breaking.  With the first one, although it was awful, I told myself that this happened to several people I know, and they all went on to have perfectly healthy babies on the next go around.  When it happens again, what do you do?  Today I got told not only that I had lost yet another baby, but that I was going to be referred to a reproductive specialist.  If you want to feel like a failure in life, have to go to a specialist for the one thing your body is made to do: bear children. 

We've waited for so long to start trying for kids because of all the other horrible crap that went on in the first few years of our marriage, I thought for sure that when I got pregnant on the first try, this was God's way of bringing things back around.  And then when I lost it, I thought, "I expected to get pregnant.  I expected this blessing.  I won't make that mistake again."  And when I got pregnant the very first time again, I thought, "God is healing my heart!  This is it!"  I honestly don't know what to think at this point. 

These are probably on the list of things ministers aren't supposed to say, but here goes:  I'm angry.  I don't understand.  I'm hurt.  I'm asking God why, because I don't get it.  I don't understand what's wrong with me that I can't keep a baby in there.  16 year olds around the world do it, and they don't even want children. 

In the Lutheran church, this Sunday is considered to be Life Sunday. Thankfully, my coworkers have gotten me a sub so I won't have to suffer through that, but I have to admit, that day fuels my anger.  How in the world can people choose to give up this blessing of life, when so many of us are struggling just to make it happen.  To keep it.  To get to the point of holding that baby.  I'm angry. 

In the midst of my anger, there are a few things I'm thankful for.  Coworkers that got my a sub, volunteers that spread the word so I wouldn't be bombarded with well-wishers for a pregnancy that isn't, the couple from church that brought us dinner and cheesecake and a big thing of Dr. Pepper and let me be angry and cry, for a husband that I know has my back and loves me. 

But honestly?  I'm not ready to be thankful.  I'm ready to cry and scream and spend hours in my bed devouring cheesecake.  With the last loss, I took one day of grieving, and then hoisted myself up and sang a concert series with a 4 hours dress rehearsal.  I was so weak from the blood loss I had to sit on a stool to do the concert.  I did two church services and came home and cried.  I poured myself into work.  And two months later, I was still grieving.

I'm going to try things a little different this time, and I ask for your patience.  I'm not doing anything this weekend.  I'm going to go get my hair cut tomorrow because it looks like ass, and go to one meeting where my friends will be at, and then I'm going to wallow at home.  And I'm not going to go to church on Sunday, but I'm going to stay in bed.  And I'll try and go back to work on Tuesday, but if I'm not feeling ready yet, I'm not going to go.  I may not shower for a few days.  I try to be organized and all together, but you know what?  I'm not all together right now. 

If you want specifics to pray for, pray for healing, pray for my body to quickly realize it isn't pregnant to get rid of this stuff inside, pray for Kyle and I as we struggle through yet another major loss in our lives and figure out where to go from here. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

7 weeks

Quote from Kyle:

"With a baby and a dog, I just don't know how I'm ever going to leave the house.  That's just too much cute in one house."

This week has been pretty non-eventful.  A lot of this week has been spent with me asleep.  I've been so tired that any chance I've gotten, I've gone to bed.  If I could sleep 10-11 hours every night, I think I could make it all the way through the day.  Nothing else has gotten done, but at least I'm well rested!

I'm dealing with worries and fears that I'm sure every pregnant woman has, especially one that has had a miscarriage before.  I continue to pray for God to take my worries.  This morning, I think I finally figured out what my worry stems from.  I've finally hit the point this week that I couldn't relate to from my last pregnancy.  Up to 6 weeks, I could go "Ok, I know this is good because this is different from my last one."  I didn't make it this far with the last one, so I have no clue how my body reacts to week 7 of pregnancy.  I wake up not sick and worry if that's bad, instead of just being thankful I'm not sick.  I keep reminding myself: Most pregnancies end with babies, and that's evident by the children I work with every week.  And just because I lost the last one, doesn't mean I'll lose this one.  It's definitely a frightening experience over all, but I just have to trust that it's going to be ok, and take it one day at a time. 

On a positive note, I'm really ready to start on the nursery!  I need to talk to the landlord and see if I can paint, but I'd like to paint the room a light grey, either girl or boy, and I've got some bedding picked out for a girl (cause you know, it's gonna be a girl).   I've picked out a crib, and I'll use the antique dresser that's in there already and put a changing pad on top.  I'm waiting until we see a heart beat to start on the room, but I'm definitely anxious to begin! 

This week's cravings:
Sunny D
Iced Tea
Strawberries
Mexican Food

Dumb Pregnant Moment:
I went to get my nightly glass of water.  (seriously, do this EVERY NIGHT.)  I got ice and a straw.  No water. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

6 Weeks

Ok, when did I get stupid?

I can't remember ANYTHING to save my life.  I pretty much leave one ingredient off of everything I cook, and have to go back to the store.  Before we had confirmed I was pregnant, if I did something pregnancy related, Kyle would say "Miiiiiiiind Baaaaaaaby!" to mock me.  Now, he's changed to "Baaaaaaby Miiiiiiind!"  So if you have to remind me of something 5 times, forgive me.  My baby has taken over all of my brain cells.

New Years was this week.  It was a pretty lame evening.  I'm not a massive drinker by any means, but I love my wine and I freakin love champagne.  The sparkling apple cider was good, but just not quite the same.  I got a sip of Kyle's champagne at midnight, and then went back to the fake crap.

I had a second ultrasound this week, and this one was much better than the first!  The baby popped up on the screen right away this time!  I'm measuring a little behind, but that's ok.  Baby is just taking it's sweet time growing.  With a great ultrasound, we decided to make it facebook official that we are having a baby, as well as calling all of the parents.

Fun week over all!  I'm still figuring out how to work without falling asleep on my desk.

Monday, January 9, 2012

5 weeks

This week had a little bit of a scare.  I had my first appointment for a sono, even though it was ridiculously early.  I've had lots of extra appointments this time because of my miscarriage in October.   The sono showed that I had a good thick uterine lining, but we couldn't see a baby.  That ordered more blood work, and 24 hours of me being totally freaked out.  My numbers were almost tripling, and they have to at least double, so we were in the clear!

This week was pretty easy - I was off work, so I slept like a crazy person, hung out with Jenica who was also off work, went to a Baylor basketball game at the AAC, watched Baylor win a bowl game, and had some good general laziness.  Perfect for a pregnant lady!

I was pretty exhausted this week, and STARVING.  This week's cravings?  Mexican food and gummy bears.

And anything else I can get my hands on.  :)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

4 weeks

I wrote this a few weeks ago as a review - enjoy, and I'll be posting more weeks as I go!

By the time I hit 4 weeks pregnant, I already knew for 5 days I was knocked up!  I started week 4 with a trip to the obgyn to check my levels.  My progesterone, which was low when I miscarried, looked great, and my hcg levels were at 146!  It has to be at 25 to show up on a home pregnancy test, and most people can't find out until the after they've missed their period that they're pregnant, but my numbers were there and kickin' it.

This week was filled with Christmas, so it was hard to rest as much as I really wanted to.  It might've resulted in some emotional meltdowns on my part.  (Sorry Kyle.)  For the most part, I've felt pretty good except for some serious stomach issues and being exhausted.  I also at the end of this week needed to buy maternity jeans.  Good gracious.  I was so bloated that my pants would NOT button.  The bloat will go away, but will be replaced by baby, so I went ahead and just bit the bullet and bought them.

Most. Comfortable. Pants. I've. Ever. Owned.

Seriously.  Why do we wear anything else?  They also look great!  Not mom jeans at all!

The funnies of this week:
1. When we went shopping for maternity jeans, Kyle and I realized we both had left our wedding rings at home.  I felt slightly trashy.

2. I might have karate chopped the waiter who tried to take my plate away before I was done.

Kyle quotes of the week:
1. Hey, our neighbor is super skinny and she's had 4 kids...you should find out her secret.  (FAIL.)

2. (on seeing my belly bloat one evening)  Holy crap!  Are you carrying that in a pouch like a marsupial?!

Cravings:
Mexican and fried shrimp