Warning: This post is very graphic, and has a lot of details most people aren't going to want. I'm writing this with one purpose: when I was deciding how to end this horrible nightmare, reading other people's experiences helped me make my decision. My hope is that this will help someone else.
A week ago today began the worst week of my life. For the second time, although this was worse. At this point, it felt like I was a failure, but that's a post for a whole other time. The main decision I had to make at this point was how to reset my body back to zero.
With the first miscarriage, I chose to go the natural route. It was a good choice for me, as my body had already started bleeding, and I wanted to go about things as naturally as possible. I didn't want to undergo surgery, nor did my doctor feel it was necessary. The whole process took 3 agonizing weeks. I was so weak that I sang two major concerts on a stool because I didn't have the strength to stand for that long.
With this one, I was prepared for the two choices that would most likely get laid in front of me: D&C (surgery) or natural miscarriage. I again preferred to do it naturally, but I was also ready for this nightmare to end. I did some research, and discovered a third option: Cytotec.
When I spoke with my doctor on Tuesday, I asked about this option. She said this was 85% effective, and that she thought it would work well for me, but needed to make sure I would understand exactly what was going to happen. This medicine would put my body into labor, and I would bleed significantly and be in a horrible amount of pain. I was to do it when someone was home with me, and if I bled heavily for over two hours, I would need to go the ER immediately. I was told of the signs of infection to watch for, and when I agreed to all of these things, I left with a prescription for the medicine and strong pain pills.
Kyle met me at home, and we got the process started. I laid on the couch for the next two hours as the contractions got closer and closer together and the pain intensified. When it got so intense I couldn't stand it, I staggered to the bathroom. I sat there for the next hour and a half as I passed everything from my pregnancy. The pain was horrible. Kyle brought me pain pills as I needed them, and sweet Bryson dog laid by my feet the entire time. After an hour and a half, things began to slow down. I felt like I could move back to the couch and rest. The contractions slowed down and became more manageable.
I took more hydrocone before I finally went to sleep that night. The bleeding had slowed, and I was able to sleep with the help of the medicine. The worst was over, about 5 hours after taking the medicine.
My ultrasound this morning showed a clear uterus - the medicine had worked! I had never been so happy to have a clear uterus in my life. Although the pain was horrible, I was pleased to have it over and done with within a few hours. I wanted to do it naturally, and this allowed me to do that by just giving me a little push in the right direction.
I pray that this will be a help to someone trying to decide on their next steps. Every person is different, and everyone needs to deal with this in their own way. The most important step - don't let others influence your decision. People will have their opinions, but it's none of their business. Do what's best for you, and be as happy with it as you can be.
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing! This is something I've always wondered about and it's good to hear about a third option.
It is so sweet of you to share your story to try and help others. I was wondering how the doctor would handle this unpleasant part of the process. I had a friend in Arlington who lost her baby at 7 months and she chose to wait for her body to go into labor. I couldn't imagine how awful that was for her. I'm glad the physical pain is over with. Now for the heart healing. Praying for you girl!!
Oh sweet Michelle...tears are pouring...I'm so glad that the medicine worked without any fearful complications. Praying that your body will get the rest and healing you need...that your mind can dwell on peaceful things. I love you so much.
My Dear Michelle: You are truly a Diva! A real lady. I don't know of many people who could share your experience more poignantly than you. I simply cannot fathom you going through labor knowing the joy of having a baby to hold and love would not be yours. God will bless you beyond measure for opening your heart and sharing the depths of your sorrow and pain. We love you so much and pray God's healing hands will touch your body and spirit.
I am glad you posted this cause when I had my first miscarriage they did not give me all the info about the drug option, just that it was there and I needed to make a decision right away. For me the DnC was the best way cause of other complications were found out during the DnC, but I seriously considered the drug option.
Michelle, I totally understand what you've been through. I have had two miscarriages as well, and, like you, I chose to go the natural route the first time. The second time my body simply wouldn't do it on its own, so I also used Cytotec. You're right; the pain is awful, but then it's over. Done. And you can move on. Emotionally, yes, it's so very, very hard, but with support and prayer from those who love you, you will see that somehow, God's plan is the best plan, even when it hurts. And someday, in His own time, He will bless you with your heart's desire.
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