Seriously? Seriously.

In the Gibson house we've been sucked into a game of Musical Chairs: The Job Version. It's been going on for about a year now, starting with our previous company. There we weren't sure if the music was going to stop or if we needed to start moving around looking for another chair. But the music stopped, and we were both left on the floor. (Yes, "music stop" pun intended.)

At this point, I became a bit of a chair whore, hopping around to a few different chairs, holding onto about 3 at a time. For the last six months, I've held on to my Mary Kay chair, and my church chair, although that chair is changing, and I've flown through the retail chair and the nanny chair, but more on that later.

As for my dear husband, he keeps getting the chairs knocked out from under him. After being left on the floor, he went in search of a new chair - interviews, resumes, you know the routine. He finally landed a chair, and although it was not his favorite, in fact, he grew to hate that freakin chair, it was a chair, and he was glad to have one in a game where the chairs are few, and many are left out.

Until Monday.

That's right, K is back in the game. He was laid off on Monday, and is once again searching for that new chair. I mentioned mine was changing - I will be going to work for the church and the music ministry at St. Peter beginning February 1st. I am extremely happy about this upgrade, and I have to admit, I was REALLY happy to drop the nanny chair.

So where does that leave us?

Searching. The music is playing, and we're walking in circles, trying not to accidentally fall on our asses by sitting too quickly, but having enough faith to try and sit.

There's no subsitute for time...

From a John Mayer song, but so so true. Unfortunately, time doesn't always fix things. It's been 9 months since our world fell apart, and while time has healed some wounds, we still aren't back on top, or even on the elevator. We're stuck on the first floor.

There are so many questions that remain unanswered, so much still to decide on the future of our life. I'd love to say that despite all of this, there's a peace about it all, but honestly, I can't say that. Things aren't ok, and it'll still be awhile before they are, and I guess sometimes you're just stuck in a rut.

The last time I struggled through something I thought I wouldn't get through, I did make it, and came out of it stronger. I can only hope that this will once again prove to be something that turns out to be great.

Jesus, Take the Wheel

I believe God uses a variety of different ways to speak to people. Even non-musicians are moved by music, both words, melody, and the marriage of the two can truly speak to someone.

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I've been dealing with some depression this year. After a year of disappointments, losses, and unexpected things that have come up in our life, it's really no surprise either.

When I left the last church job I had, I left feeling that I really didn't understand Christianity anymore. I'd experienced so many things that didn't make sense, and that left me feeling angry, hurt, and kept me out of church for a couple of years.

How do these two events relate?

In the course of being completely broke this past year, I decided to take a job at a church playing the organ on Sunday mornings. Working for a church is something I said I would never do again after what happened, but I had a skill, and here was a place to use it. It was just a job.

6 months later, and I am way more involved in this church than I thought I would be! I have a new group of people who love and pray for me, something that makes me smile again (and these days, it hasn't been a whole lot), and this job may turn into a little something more than we originally thought. In the course of figuring some things out with said job, I realized that prayer was no longer an occasional option, but seriously, I needed to have a chat with God.

As my prayer life has once again increased, I'm finding God talking back to me. And in the one thing that truly touches me, He's talking to me in music. Several songs have been brought in front of me or brought to my mind this week that have really helped to comfort me this last week. One, Carrie Underwood's Jesus Take the Wheel - this one came to my mind when I was upset, driving, and just feeling at a complete loss. The song became a prayer and I began to get a little more control.

The second was one I hadn't heard for years. There was a CD in '99 called Exodus that my best friend Jenn and I listened to non-stop. I've since lost that CD, but one of the songs came to mind last week, then today, it came back in front of me when I friend posted it on her blog. Sixpence None The Richer's Brighten My Heart in itself is a prayer, asking God to let her clear her head, mind, etc. and focus back on God.

In this crap-tastic year, there have been only a few good things. So for you, my loyal readers, here's my suggested playlist on the GOOD things that've happened this year:

Brighten My Heart - (Sixpence None the Richer) Me, back in church, where I need to be.

Jesus, Take the Wheel - (Carrie Underwood) Me, learning to talk to God again.

God Bless the Broken Road - (Rascal Flatts) This would be me and my hubby. We had this song sung at our wedding (thanks Eric!) and through this year, we've grown closer and remembered that we do really love each other. :)

Gravity - (Sarah Bareilles) Ok, so this one might sound like a downer, but it's about setting yourself free from the past and moving forward. Something I'm still learning to do, but it's a good thing.

Red High Heels - (Kelly Pickler) I earned my Mary Kay car this year, and if you'll notice in my car picture, I have on my red high heels. :)

There's a short playlist for you. I hope you enjoy the musical journey that I have.

'Tis the Season!

And so the craziness of the Christmas season begins! I think Kyle and I combined have 6 concerts, which is very reminiscent of our Baylor days. Then there's director qualification, which will take up every free night I possibly have, Christmas parties, Christmas lights, and oh crap I haven't even STARTED Christmas presents yet! AAAAHHH!!

The hustle and bustle is kinda fun, though. I love the lights, colors, decorations, the shopping, the wrapping, the movies, the music, everything! Since money is tight this year we're doing handmade Christmas, so I'll try and post some of my creations on here, except if they are things that might be going to YOU my readers!

What's in a song?

I always have witty thoughts or deep ponderings during the day while I'm working, but do I think to type them out when I get home? Well, if you follow this (and I use the term "follow" very loosely), you know that I don't. I'll try and catch you up. ;)

Lately I've been trying to come to terms with all that's gone on in our world the past year. It's amazing what brings on the nostalgia. As I was driving to a meeting the other night, stuck in lovely traffic, I had a lot of time to think.

It all started with a Panera Bread.

I realized how long it had been since we'd been able to eat out freely, do what we wanted, etc. With the chill of fall in the air, I felt the nostalgia of a carefree life along with the pain of a barely making it. Apparently the radio knew what I was feeling, too. Fergie sang, "Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?" Life was charmed, but things just don't always work out.

I continued my slow crawl across town and thought about life now. All the important things are still in place: We haven't lost our home, we have two wonderful puppies who make me smile every day, and a husband who loves me more than anything.

So what's the problem?

Uncertainty. For the past 8 months we've lived in a constant state of worry. Worrying what our jobs will hold, worrying about what bills will come in the mail, worrying about the state of our families. Nothing has been comfortable, nothing stable. The radio continued my train of thought with Third Eye Blind. The one question everyone asks: "How's it gonna be?" What's next? What's tomorrow?

As my heart started to race and I got closer to my meeting, I tried to breathe. Reflecting back on "my former life" as I know call it, I thought of the places we traveled, the cool restaurants we got to visit, the people I got to meet, and I realized this: It doesn't matter. We might not know where we are going next, and the most recent road might have been REALLY bumpy, but it's all a ride. I wouldn't trade the experiences we had for the world.

What's next? Well, I don't have all the answers, but as my car pulled into the garage, Sarah McLachlan reminded me:

"Weep not for the memories."

Hurricane Ike

Here's a frustration that I have. As Hurricane Ike rolled towards Texas, Galveston was told to evacuate or "face certain and imminent death." Now, I don't know about yall, but that says to me, "Get the hell out of there!"

Apparently it doesn't say that to the some 240,000 people who decided not to evacuate. So Ike struck last night, the flooding was horrible, the destruction horrible, and the people that stayed were crying out for help.

Now others are having to risk their lives in order to save these idiots who couldn't leave when told. That may make me a horrible, insensitive person, but I don't enjoy catering to stupidity.

Morning.

Morning. It's when I feel the best. I wake up, and I love my bed, usually I'm awoken by a puppy licking my nose. In the morning everything feels clear. The day is new - there's no regret for what you haven't gotten done, no remorse for what you've eaten that day, and it's free of troubles. It's also when I get my best work done. It seems to me that as the day goes on, I get more stressed, more behind, and then by the time evening gets here, I'm a bundled mess of nerves.

I love the start of the day. I love the newness and the chance to have a do-over every day. I strive to have no regrets by the end of the day, but I know that it's a daily struggle. How do we handle everything? How do we get it all done? How is it some people manage to sail through the day with ease, and others seem to come flying in by their coattails?

It's an issue that ways heavily on me, and I'm striving to change, but for now, I'm going to enjoy the calmness and beauty of the morning.